When I Am Afraid

When I am afraid I will trust in You
When I'm overcome I will cling onto

The Rock that is higher, He's higher
The Rock that is higher,
When my enemy's too strong for me
I don't know how to fight the fear

That comes against my heart and mind
I call upon the name of Christ
He's higher, He's higher, He's higher
When my enemy's surrounding me
He comes to steal my joy, my peace

I let go of my reasoning
And fall upon the Rock
That is higher, He's higher

I will not build my life upon the passing sands
Of how I feel inside from one moment to the next
But I will love you Lord, my Rock, my God, my Strength
A precious cornerstone that floods of death can never shake

For there is no peace of mind, outside of truth in Christ
For the fear is real and it's power can kill
But the stability of our times, the stability of our times
Will be the Rock that is higher, He's higher
The Rock that is higher

So for the past several months I have really been struggling. If you know me, I'm going to be transparent. I've found myself in a battle between what I know is true and my feelings. Feelings- it's almost as if that switch has been turned off for most of my life. Not that I haven't had to deal with them before, but it's definitely never been like this. I have found myself questioning myself, questioning what I know is true, questioning Him. My reasoning has been the fan to this flame...and my pride, my own ability to produce results.

*October 21* I stopped here to come back to this post later but...I think this is sufficient. That last sentence is more than capable of describing what's been going on. And to be completely honest- He has simply put a stop to it...so I will to. I will not build my life upon the passing sands of how I feel inside from one moment to the next~

After God's Silence - What?

When He had heard therefore that he was sick, He abode two days in the same place where he was. ~John 11:6

     Has God trusted you with a silence - a silence that is big with meaning? God's silences are His answers. Think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything analogous to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking for a visible answer? God will give you the blessings you ask if you will not go any further without them; but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvellous understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? You will find that God has trusted you in the most intimate way possible, with an absolute silence, not of despair, but of pleasure, because He saw that you could stand a bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, praise Him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes. The manifestation of the answer in time is a matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you said - "I asked God to give me bread, and He gave me a stone." He did not, and to-day you find He gave you the bread of life.

     A wonderful thing about God's silence is that the contagion of His stillness gets into you and you become perfectly confident - "I know God has heard me." His silence is the proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, He will give you the first sign of His intimacy - silence. (My Utmost For His Highest).

Perfect timing.

Gianna Jessen

2008 speech on abortion. I like this girl!

So Much To Say

If you have talked to me or even seen the very few and far between updates on facebook you know that there is so much going on in my life right now. That fact in itself isn't surprising to say the least. I have so much I need and want to say and just not enough time to! It's saddening to think- I finished my journal before classes started in August and have YET to start a new one. I miss it. I write down a thing or two here or there but if you're a journal keeper you understand exactly what I'm talking about! After seeing my friend Rachel Quebedeaux (I LOVE YOU!) yesterday I decided to go at this again and just start somewhere. Hopefully over the next couple of weeks I can catch MYSELF up to what all has been happening lately haha.

This semester has been, so far...overwhelming (in every sense of the word). But let it be known that our amazing, unfailing, forever faithful Father is working in me. As Treva put it a couple weeks ago, He's bringing me to the end of my rope, where I have to give up all self-security and self-reliance and let go completely. I've been remembering why I'm here, what it's for, WHO I'm for, and let me say- it IS worth it. Every aspect of it.

The other day I was trying to finish up my dreaded Chemistry homework assignment and was looking for some more notebook paper in my book sac. In the middle of all those blank pieces of paper I saw two pages with my handwriting on them. I looked at the date in the top right corner, February 4, 2010. I don't remember writing it but it was exactly what I needed to read at that moment. It's one of those -let me just get it out on paper- moments I have at times. I love when things like that happen! So let me share it with you:

And what is it that I live by? What is it that I live for? Is it the selfish motives of my humanity? or the sacrificed life I live for Him? Am I held captive by my mind, intellect, personal understanding, emotions, desires? Or do I walk in the freedom that is fully mine through Christ? For it was and is for freedom that Christ set me free. To live anything else is sell the victory of the Cross short. The moment I put myself, my way, my thoughts, my ideas and my interpretation above Him- I lose myself, simply because I lose the communion and fellowship with Him. Abiding in Him should be the focus. For if we are not in Him we can bear nothing of value. He is the source of life- the beginning, the end, THE life. If we separate ourselves from the very life source we shrivel up and die like mere weeds dries up by the scorching Son. Without His life we have no light. For in Him is life and the life is the light of men (John 1:4). Why? Why for one moment would we want to separate ourselves from the life of Christ, the fullness of the Godhead- the fullness of our Father and His righteousness. It has been given to us so that we may become the very righteousness of God through and because of Christ and His blood. How could we not want that sweet fellowship with Him? So many times people sum up Christ-life to fellowship with other believers but, if there is not true fellowship with the heart of the Father- there can be no true fellowship with the saints. And without this checks and balances we can't call ourselves sanctified.

• We overcome be the blood of the Lamb, the word of our testimony, loving not our lives even unto death.

• Walk in the light as He is in the light and have fellowship with one another so that the blood of Jesus will cleanse you from all sin.

I must come to say that the remedy to all issues in life lies in the changing, transforming power of life in Christ Jesus. Our prayer should be: Refine, change, alter my character, fit it into Your likeness. One heart, one mind, one spirit with The heart, The mind and The Spirit.

And that last part, that has been my prayer. That my heart, mind and spirit would be conformed even more to His. He has given us everything that pertains to both life and godliness, so why not walk in it? With everything going on lately, becoming overwhelmed has been the easiest thing to do. However, there is one thing that never ceases to speak more to my heart than any amount of words- the sky. Every time I look up and see those stars He speaks. "You see Lauren, the stars are held up by my hand, I've got you." His love is more than I can comprehend at this moment. His patience is so sweet. His faithfulness is constant, and His mercy...yes His mercy, is new every morning :) He is so good~