Lowest Place

George Matheson

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

When I Am Afraid

When I am afraid I will trust in You
When I'm overcome I will cling onto

The Rock that is higher, He's higher
The Rock that is higher,
When my enemy's too strong for me
I don't know how to fight the fear

That comes against my heart and mind
I call upon the name of Christ
He's higher, He's higher, He's higher
When my enemy's surrounding me
He comes to steal my joy, my peace

I let go of my reasoning
And fall upon the Rock
That is higher, He's higher

I will not build my life upon the passing sands
Of how I feel inside from one moment to the next
But I will love you Lord, my Rock, my God, my Strength
A precious cornerstone that floods of death can never shake

For there is no peace of mind, outside of truth in Christ
For the fear is real and it's power can kill
But the stability of our times, the stability of our times
Will be the Rock that is higher, He's higher
The Rock that is higher

So for the past several months I have really been struggling. If you know me, I'm going to be transparent. I've found myself in a battle between what I know is true and my feelings. Feelings- it's almost as if that switch has been turned off for most of my life. Not that I haven't had to deal with them before, but it's definitely never been like this. I have found myself questioning myself, questioning what I know is true, questioning Him. My reasoning has been the fan to this flame...and my pride, my own ability to produce results.

*October 21* I stopped here to come back to this post later but...I think this is sufficient. That last sentence is more than capable of describing what's been going on. And to be completely honest- He has simply put a stop to it...so I will to. I will not build my life upon the passing sands of how I feel inside from one moment to the next~

After God's Silence - What?

When He had heard therefore that he was sick, He abode two days in the same place where he was. ~John 11:6

     Has God trusted you with a silence - a silence that is big with meaning? God's silences are His answers. Think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything analogous to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking for a visible answer? God will give you the blessings you ask if you will not go any further without them; but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a marvellous understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? You will find that God has trusted you in the most intimate way possible, with an absolute silence, not of despair, but of pleasure, because He saw that you could stand a bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, praise Him, He is bringing you into the great run of His purposes. The manifestation of the answer in time is a matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you said - "I asked God to give me bread, and He gave me a stone." He did not, and to-day you find He gave you the bread of life.

     A wonderful thing about God's silence is that the contagion of His stillness gets into you and you become perfectly confident - "I know God has heard me." His silence is the proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, He will give you the first sign of His intimacy - silence. (My Utmost For His Highest).

Perfect timing.

Gianna Jessen

2008 speech on abortion. I like this girl!

So Much To Say

If you have talked to me or even seen the very few and far between updates on facebook you know that there is so much going on in my life right now. That fact in itself isn't surprising to say the least. I have so much I need and want to say and just not enough time to! It's saddening to think- I finished my journal before classes started in August and have YET to start a new one. I miss it. I write down a thing or two here or there but if you're a journal keeper you understand exactly what I'm talking about! After seeing my friend Rachel Quebedeaux (I LOVE YOU!) yesterday I decided to go at this again and just start somewhere. Hopefully over the next couple of weeks I can catch MYSELF up to what all has been happening lately haha.

This semester has been, so far...overwhelming (in every sense of the word). But let it be known that our amazing, unfailing, forever faithful Father is working in me. As Treva put it a couple weeks ago, He's bringing me to the end of my rope, where I have to give up all self-security and self-reliance and let go completely. I've been remembering why I'm here, what it's for, WHO I'm for, and let me say- it IS worth it. Every aspect of it.

The other day I was trying to finish up my dreaded Chemistry homework assignment and was looking for some more notebook paper in my book sac. In the middle of all those blank pieces of paper I saw two pages with my handwriting on them. I looked at the date in the top right corner, February 4, 2010. I don't remember writing it but it was exactly what I needed to read at that moment. It's one of those -let me just get it out on paper- moments I have at times. I love when things like that happen! So let me share it with you:

And what is it that I live by? What is it that I live for? Is it the selfish motives of my humanity? or the sacrificed life I live for Him? Am I held captive by my mind, intellect, personal understanding, emotions, desires? Or do I walk in the freedom that is fully mine through Christ? For it was and is for freedom that Christ set me free. To live anything else is sell the victory of the Cross short. The moment I put myself, my way, my thoughts, my ideas and my interpretation above Him- I lose myself, simply because I lose the communion and fellowship with Him. Abiding in Him should be the focus. For if we are not in Him we can bear nothing of value. He is the source of life- the beginning, the end, THE life. If we separate ourselves from the very life source we shrivel up and die like mere weeds dries up by the scorching Son. Without His life we have no light. For in Him is life and the life is the light of men (John 1:4). Why? Why for one moment would we want to separate ourselves from the life of Christ, the fullness of the Godhead- the fullness of our Father and His righteousness. It has been given to us so that we may become the very righteousness of God through and because of Christ and His blood. How could we not want that sweet fellowship with Him? So many times people sum up Christ-life to fellowship with other believers but, if there is not true fellowship with the heart of the Father- there can be no true fellowship with the saints. And without this checks and balances we can't call ourselves sanctified.

• We overcome be the blood of the Lamb, the word of our testimony, loving not our lives even unto death.

• Walk in the light as He is in the light and have fellowship with one another so that the blood of Jesus will cleanse you from all sin.

I must come to say that the remedy to all issues in life lies in the changing, transforming power of life in Christ Jesus. Our prayer should be: Refine, change, alter my character, fit it into Your likeness. One heart, one mind, one spirit with The heart, The mind and The Spirit.

And that last part, that has been my prayer. That my heart, mind and spirit would be conformed even more to His. He has given us everything that pertains to both life and godliness, so why not walk in it? With everything going on lately, becoming overwhelmed has been the easiest thing to do. However, there is one thing that never ceases to speak more to my heart than any amount of words- the sky. Every time I look up and see those stars He speaks. "You see Lauren, the stars are held up by my hand, I've got you." His love is more than I can comprehend at this moment. His patience is so sweet. His faithfulness is constant, and His mercy...yes His mercy, is new every morning :) He is so good~

Beautiful Mercy

There is no pit too deep
that Jesus cannot reach

There is no sorrow too strong
that will overtake His beloved ones

And He's brought me to the wilderness
where I will learn to sing
And He lets me know my barrenness
so I will learn to lean
Yes He's brought me to this wilderness
where I will learn to sing
and He lets me know my barrenness
so I will learn to lean

So kind, oh beautiful mercy
do what You have to do
Jealous Lover
do what You have to do (You know the best way)
oh Beautiful Mercy
do what You have to do
Jealous Lover
do what You have to do

So I will sing
yes, I will sing


even in the brokenness
I will sing
even in this loneliness


-Laura Hackett

Modern Abstracts

I came across this guys sight two days ago and thought it was pretty neat~ Mark Lawrence. He's even done paintings to My Utmost For His Highest. Here was some of my favorites (mainly because I love the verses)...

Why Are You Anxious?
"And which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? If you then are not able to do the least, why are you anxious for the rest?” Luke 12:25-26

The Sufferings Of This Present Time.
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

Be Strong.
"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6.


The Testing of Your Faith.
"because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:3

Guarded By The Peace of God.
"and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

All Things Through Christ.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13


A Way of Escape.
"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

The God of All Grace.
"But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you." 1 Peter 5:10

Be Anxious for Nothing.
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;" Philippians 4:6

Eternal Weight of Glory.
"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory" 2 Corinthians 4:17

Perfect in Weakness.
”And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

Holy Visitation

Remembered this song driving back here to Alexandria yesterday...found it to be pretty timely.

Lord, we stand here as the desperate people hungry for the things of You. Come quiet the storms, that rage all around us so that we hear the passion that beats through Your heart. Spirit put healing in our hands. Put life in our words and drive a passion for the lost, deep in the hearts of Your people. Inhabit the praises of us Your children. And Father, send us out with a reckless passion. Deliver us from evil and set a standard of unity to break down walls and to heal Your people. Unity is the cry of Your church, Lord. Reconcile the children to the fathers. And with forgiveness and mercy rush through the hearts of our land. We cry out our deep need for You Jesus. Oh God come in power and bring glory to Your name.

Sound the alarm
Gather the people
Gather the elders
Let the ministers wail
God, take back the years that the enemy’s stolen
Lord, You are coming
Holy Visitation

We return to You
With fasting and weeping and mourning
Oh, my Lord, You’re returning
We lie here weeping between porch and altar
Pour out Your spirit on Your sons and Your daughters
We lie here weeping between porch and altar
Pour out Your spirit on Your sons and Your daughters
Sound the alarm

Awaken the watchmen
Open their ears
Let their voices be loud
We prophecy, You’ll come to this nation
Touch this generation
Holy Visitation

We dance, and we shout and we lift up our voice
Let your kingdom come down

Just some things...

So I was writing a letter to a friend of mine and some of this just came out in it so I figured I'd share. It's just some little clips of things God has been showing me lately...

Have you ever wished that sometimes you could erase some memories? I have, multiple times but then I thought about it and saw that I wouldn't have the opportunities I have to speak the truth out of those memories/experiences. That's one thing God has been showing me. I used to ask Him why I had to go through certain things, life would be so much easier if I could just bypass them all together. He showed me that so often out of our experiences we become equipped with the things necessary to minister to others around us. Our experiences give us the ability to meet people right where they are, to relate with them, to show compassion, mercy, and grace because we really KNOW what they’re going through. It goes back to Revelations 12:11 "we overcome by the blood of the Lamb, the word of our TESTIMONY, loving not our lives even unto death". So whether the experience is good or bad "we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" (Rom. 8:28) so we can "count it all joy when we fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of our faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that we may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing" (James 1:2-4). If we through obedience "by the Spirit put to death the deeds of the flesh/body, we will live" (Rom. 8:13). It all goes back to obedience. Do we love Jesus Christ enough to love Him more? That is the question. But it's not enough to only ponder and debate that question, one must decide and act on it. If we do love Him enough to love Him more than our lives will prove it. We won't "be conformed to this world, but transformed by the renewing of our minds, that we may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" (Rom. 12:2). To think that we can PROVE the perfect will of God, wow! Why is this generation in the state that it's in? If this is Truth, if this is what the Word says, then why doesn't the "church" believe it? Why are they’re so many who refuse to walk in "the hope of their calling" (Eph 1:18)? Because they don't want Him enough. Do we want Him? He says prove it. Are we willing to tarry, to remain, a little while longer, press in harder? Have sleepless nights to see Him reveal His face? Do we want Him? We say we want revival at all cost but how far are we really willing to go? Will we be found watching and ready or selfish and sleeping?

I've been reading "Real Christianity" by William Wilberforce (the man involved with abolishing the slave trade in England) . It was written in 1797 but I swear it could have been written today. here's a couple quotes:

• "I think it should be enough to point out that all of us have the obligation to do whatever we are able to do to promote the welfare of our fellowman. If you love someone who is ruining his or her life because of faulty thinking and you don't do anything about it because you are afraid of what others might think, it would seem that rather than being loving, you are in fact being heartless."

• "I am disturbed when I see the majority of so-called Christians having such little understanding of the real nature of the faith they profess... Life as we know it, with all its ups and downs, will soon be over. We all will give an accounting to God of how we have lived. Because of this fact, I'm not going to pull any punches in what I write".

• "I fear for the future of authentic faith in our country. We live in a time when the common man in our country is thoroughly influenced by the current climate in which the cultural and educational elite propagates an anti-Christian message."

• "Is it any wonder then that the spiritual condition of our country is of little concern to those who don't even educate their own children about true Christianity? Their conduct reflects their absence of concern, not only for the state of Christianity in our own country, but also for the need to communicate the message of Christ to those in other parts of the world who have not heard."

• "Carefully studying the Bible will reveal to us our own ignorance of these things. It will challenge is to reject a superficial understanding of Christianity and impress on us that it is imperative not to simply be religious or moral, but also to master the Bible intellectually, integrate its principles into our lives morally, and put into action what we have learned practically."

It's really good so far.

I'm just so thankful for the people God has placed in my life. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I love the true fellowship that is found in the purity of the light. It never fails, God proves Himself again and again and again. I know we've all had those moments of struggling with our will and doing the will of God but, nights like these are a perfect example of how the Body of Christ truly works together, to strengthen and encourage. To get along side each other and keep running. Why? Because we love Jesus more. And because we love Jesus more then we do those things we don't want to do and go to those places we would rather not be. Because we love Jesus more we learn how to trust Him in everything, to simply obey and submit, to love beyond our comfort, to conform to the image of His son, the divine person Jesus Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit. It's all about Him and His heart. May we learn of Him, take His yoke, and run like never before...may we run this race all the way to completion.

"Therefore put on God's complete armor, that you may be able to resist {and} STAND your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to STAND [firmly in your place]." Ephesians 6:13

Willing To Drink His Cup by Leonard Ravenhill

So God has been doing and revealing so much these past several months. At some point in time I plan to sit down and actually write some of it out. But, I wanted to share this. If you know me at all you know Leonard Ravenhill is probably one of my favorite people that ever lived and of course this is a perfect example of why. It amazes me how the same thing was being said then...when? how long is it going to take for the church to not "get" this but "walk" this? We say revival at all cost- how far are we really willing to go? How long are we really willing to tarry in this place? Will we be found watching and ready or selfish and sleeping? This so identifies with what God has been speaking to me so if you have 70 minutes and 30 seconds of nothing to do watch this:

In Christ Alone~love this song

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary Momma and Daddy!

Words cannot begin to express how thankful I am to have you both as my parents. If there is one thing that I admire the most about your relationship, it’s endurance and perseverance. I know things have been rough over the years but the fact that y’all have made it this far carries a message that words cannot communicate. I know over these years you’ve both questioned, wondered, become angry and even wanted to simply walk away…but God. You both have loved Him enough to love Him more and for that I am forever grateful. To me, that is one of the strongest forms of love, to stay when you wanna leave, endure when you wanna quit, hope when there seems to be nothing to hope for, trust when you don’t want to, love when you don’t feel it. For that is love. No matter what the world says or defines it to be. Love is Christ…and Christ never fails. So today, as you both remember the good times and the bad, the mistakes and the accomplishments, the proud moments and the regrets hold on and rejoice in the simple fact the Christ never fails. Neither of you would be who you are or where you are today without these past years. There is no question that He has you both where He wants you and that there is something so much bigger than yourselves and even your marriage. That’s the amazing part! :) Honestly, if you think about it, today is not about y'all, its about Christ. Its about who He is and what He’s done. For everything we are, everything we do, and everyone we love is for Him and to Him. We must never forget that. Our lives, our marriages, our children, our hearts, and even our love, it is for Him and to Him. So in that we rejoice and celebrate for He has made all things new. He is worthy of it all.

I love you both with all my heart!

Lauren Ashley

Free To Love Freely

Ok first off I must say, this should not be taken as my attempt at poetry or song...it would be a sad attempt if it was :) These past several posts (minus the JJ Heller song) simply are random thoughts of mine put into words exactly like they sound inside me as of late. Just clarifying. Some of it may not even make sense but that's the point. Snapshots of my thoughts...

If it was for freedom Christ set us free, I must ask myself:
Am I free to love freely?
For this is the challenge,
This is the start,
This is the beginning of a brand new heart.

Am I free to love freely?
Or chained by the fear of betrayal?
Am I free to love freely?
or bound by the scars of past hurt?
Is my heart free to trust freely?
Or carefully concealed in the chambers of anger and bitterness

Am I free to be who you’ve called me to be in You?
Or am I disillusioned by my own ability to reason?
Am I free?

What holds me back from?
What binds me in broken silence?
To know the truth and not hear,
To know the truth and not heed,
To know the truth and not be freed.
Am I free to love freely?

Am I free or falsely held by insecurity?
Can I love without ceasing?
Trust without disbelieving?
That you’ve set this heart free
Free to love freely

I am free.
For it is for freedom He set me free.
Free to love freely.

Thoughts...

December 28, 09

Perspective. Clarity. Reality. What is my life but a vapor? Vessel. Broken. Poured out. Love? Hate? Scars. Character. Healing. Forgiveness. Do I love Him enough to love Him more? He gave me the very thing I asked for. I said do whatever it takes. Use me...for real?Anger/malice/bitterness=death. Scabs and infection. Box created by hurt and fear. Love freely? The challenge. Love harder. Hurt/gutted. No excuses to not be Christian, no matter how bad I hurt. Is He not worthy of the reward of His suffering? Am I willing for Him to receive it through my crucifixion? It is not about me. ALL for His glory