Only Love Remains ~ JJ Heller

Scenes of you come rushing through
You are breaking me down
So break me into pieces
That will grow in the ground
I know that I deserve to die
For the murder in my heart
So be gentle with me Jesus
As you tear me apart

Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

You burn away the ropes that bind
And hold me to the earth
The fire only leaves behind whatever is of worth
I begin to see reality
For the first time in my life
I know that I'm a shadow
But I'm dancing in your light

Teach me to be humble
Call me from the grave
Show me how to walk with you upon the waves
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

You Are Here

In the midst of my longing, You are there.
In the loneliness of the night, You are there.
In the frustration of humanity, You are there.

When the tears roll down my face, You are there.
When my heart hurts and longs in a tangible way, You are there.
When all I want to do is run, You are there.
When I’m overwhelmed and want to quit, You are there.

You are there...holding me up
You are there...no matter what I feel
You are there...faithful
You are there...forever faithful

Are you there?
Or are you here?

You are here.

You are here.
Closer than my own soul.
Closer than anyone could ever be.
You know me better than I know myself.
How could I not trust you?

Your Hands

Your hands are real-more real than any others
Your hands can wipe away my tears
Your hands can heal the wounds in my heart
Your hands can fill every empty place
Your hands protect me, shield me, shape me, mold me, hold me
In Your hands is where I belong
Your hands.
They are the hands of a father
The hands of a brother
The hands of a lover
In Your hands I have all I need
Reveal this to me more
For in Your hands is where I choose to be.

Heart Transplant

Most people don't even realize that seventy to eighty percent of college-aged people are leaving the church today. One should ask himself how this could go unnoticed. What is causing the drastic decline in this generation? Could it be due to the way people are raised? Where does the responsibility lie? Could it be that possibly the church in general is failing this generation? I believe so, but I am not here to point the finger at one particular group of people. Francis Chan wrote in his book Crazy Love that it's easy to “bash churches…it’s far too easy to blame the church without acknowledging that we are each part of it and therefore responsible”. So how do we, the church, remedy this? We must first identify the problem.

A surgeon won't do reconstructive surgery of the face if a heart transplant is needed. It's easy to get caught up in the outward appearance of things. We tend to focus on aspects such as the building, the music, the chairs, the lights, the projectors and the measly pens with our ministry names printed on the side. We want to make ourselves memorable, could this be materialism? Should this be our sole purpose? Performing a complete makeover, a full face lift in the church today won't make it more attractive or appealing to this generation, especially those leaving. They're fed up with the outward appearance of “church people”, and they want something real. Surveys have shown tha most college-aged people are leaving the church today because they feel no connection to it, “it” being the people, not the building... or the pens. Could we say we may have some things backwards? When we try to fix the problem from the outside we lose the level of reality and connection. What appears to be real is no more than a human’s poor attempt to hold on to people they never had to begin with. This generation sees that. They are longing for relationships but unfortunately most feel like all that exist is religion and tradition, and they want no part of it. This generation sees the people they “go to church with” and not many view them as very different from the typical unbeliever, give or take the fact that they probably drink and swear less than average. This is heart breaking and personally I can understand why most people who see this don't want anything to do with the Church. What is really so different from the world besides the partially sanitized lives? Even Jesus Himself said, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but the inside is full of extortion and self indulgence. Blind Pharisees, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also" (Matt. 23: 25-26).

There must be an inward change, a change in the deepest parts, in the source of life. To remedy this we must go straight to the heart. We need a cleaning out of the arteries that have become so clogged with the mundane religion that gradually slows the flow of life out of the churches. It has become so subtle that few notice what is happening until the shock of the heart attack. When the church is left somewhat paralyzed, unable to function fully like it is created to, that's when they notice. The church is dealing with the effects of a heart attack today, realizing they are losing this generation. There must be a serious paradigm shattering in the church.

Jesus said the two greatest commandments are this, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27). François Fénelon once said, “To just read the Bible, attend church, and avoid “big” sins- is this passionate,wholehearted love for God?” As the church we have a responsibility. Because of the cross of Christ we have been given not only the capacity, but the command to love like Christ. Religion produces a selfish blindness to the truth, holds us back from being who we are called to be and say we are. We say we love people but where are our actions? Our love has slowly faded into merely word and tongue, not in deed and action. This leads us to tradition. Tradition “makes the word of God of no effect” in our individual lives, this is what is seen today. Tradition produces a “form of godliness with no power”, not change in the individual. The church is called to be lights for the world to see our good deeds and therefore glorify God the Father. We are to take on His image, His face; when reconstructive surgery is done by Creator God it will never compare to ours. We can attend service on Sunday morning, tithe, be on the board, teach Sunday school, and give to missions; but what about our neighbor next door, the elderly woman across the street, the homeless person on the downtown corner, or even the young people flocking to the exits of our buildings? Where is the fruit of who we say we are? Where is the extended hand of love that reflects the hand of God that pulled us out of the sin we were in? This generation sees this hypocrisy and says things like “I believe in God, just not organized religion” If the church truly lived like we are called to live one cannot help but wonder what the expression would change to?

If we're ever going to reach this generation we must start with us. We must allow for a heart transplant, not reconstructive surgery of the face. This generation is not looking at the outward appearance of vainness but the genuineness of an undeniable, passionate, pure love among the people who profess His name. We are in desperate need for change and if we don't do something soon we'll simply continue to deteriorate, slowly becoming more unaware of the blockages in our heart until it kills us. We can no longer ignore the heart attacks of our malfunctioned heart. We need a transplant.

The Bond

One thing after another. Let's just say this month has been a rough one but I've been learning a lot. It amazes me. There has been so many changes in my relationships with people. I've had to deal with things that I've never had to deal with in my life. Bitterness and anger. And yet in the midst of it all He has shown me so much. We as His children are created in His image which means He created us with the capacity to love like Him. That statement right there, when you think about it long enough, will blow your mind. BUT, the amazing thing is, because He created us with the capacity to love like Him, that means we have the capacity to forgive like Him. Anything less than that is compromising what He's equipped us with. My great grandfather once said at the end of his life, "When all hell breaks loose, we often discover who we really are. We can become bitter, blame God, and walk away, or we can hold to the truth that feelings change, but God does not". How true. Christ remains the same and that's the hope we have in the midst of chaos. We just have to hold fast. His love bonds us to Him and we have a choice to walk in it or not. God will not just snap His fingers and make us love people. Sometime I wish He would...it would make things easier haha! but we have to take part in His suffering as well. It's all about being conformed to His image.

"Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus." Col 3:12-17

Know You Not That You Are Not Your Own?

from My Utmost....I love this book :)

"There is no such things as a private life - "a world within the world" - for a man or woman who is brought into fellowship with Jesus Christ's sufferings. God breaks up the private life of His saints, and makes it a thoroughfare for the world on the one hand and for Himself on the other. No human being can stand that unless he is identified with Jesus Christ. We are not sanctified for our selves, we are called into the fellowship of the Gospel, and things happen which have nothing to do with us, God is getting us into fellowship with Himself. Let Him have His way, if you do not, instead of being of the slightest use to God in His Redemptive work in the world, you will be a hindrance and a clog.

The first thing God does with us is to get us based on rugged Reality until we do not care what becomes of us individually as long as He gets His way for the purpose of His Redemption. Why shouldn't we go through heartbreaks? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellow ship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshold of God's purpose and die away of self-pity, and all so called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death bed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says - "Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine." If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart."

Tornado

This song applies to so many aspects of my life and if we are called to be transparent then this describes exactly what has been going on inside me. He is faithful. I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness in a totally new way. I'm beginning to see that it's not always instantaneous, just like repentance, sometimes it can be a continual process. It just takes trust and total surrender to Him, and of course complete obedience.

You live your life like a tornado.
Destruction follows everywhere you go.
And you have no plans to stop or slow (oh).
I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
I will not let you leave that legacy,
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see (oh).

And every time I find healing, you're making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.

And I tried to remove myself from your path,
But I keep on waking up in the aftermath.
So I pick up again and say I won't look back (oh).
And I will not let this bitter root grow in me.
I will not let you leave that legacy,
But this constant fight is breaking me (oh).

And every time I find healing, you're making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.

And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love;
When everything you touch is rubble and dust.
And it gets so hard to know how to trust,
But I will not let that bitter root grow.
I will not let it, no no.
But it gets so hard (oh).

And every time I find healing you're making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And I could move and never send you a forwarding address,
Or I could learn the real meaning of forgiveness.
~Sara Groves

The Fire (FULL) by Nate Pfeil

wow...may our ears be open and our hearts be soft to not just say, wow, that's a really good video, if only SoAndSo could watch it but may it cause us to do what Paul said and examine ourselves to see if we're in the faith. He's either Lord of all or He isn't Lord at all. This is the truth that the world needs to SEE lived out in our lives, not merely HEAR out our mouths...He's worthy of the reward of His suffering.

By Spiritual Confusion

"Ye know not what ye ask."~ Matthew 20:22

There are times in spiritual life when there is confusion, and it isno way out to say that there ought not to be confusion. It is not aquestion of right and wrong, but a question of God taking you by away which in the meantime you do not under stand, and it is only by going through the confusion that you will get at what God wants.

The Shrouding of His Friendship. Luke 11:5-8. Jesus gave theillustration of the man who looked as if he did not care for his friend, and He said that that is how the Heavenly Father will appear to you at times. You will think He is an unkind friend, but remember He is not; the time will come when everything will be explained.There is a cloud on the friendship of the heart, and often even love itself has to wait in pain and tears for the blessing of fuller communion. When God looks completely shrouded, will you hang on inconfidence in Him?

The Shadow on His Fatherhood. Luke 11:11-13. Jesus says there are times then your Father will appear as if He were an unnatural father,as if He were callous and indifferent, but remember He is not; I have told you - "Everyone that asketh receiveth." If there is a shadow onthe face of the Father just now, hang onto it that He will ultimately give His clear revealing and justify Himself in all that He permitted.

The Strangeness of His Faithfulness. Luke 18:1-8. "When the Son of Man cometh, shall He find faith on the earth?" Will He find the faith which banks on Him in spite of the confusion? Stand off in faith believing that what Jesus said is true, though in the meantime you do not under stand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you ask. ~My Utmost For His Highest

Self-Consciousness

:)

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest". ~Matthew 11:28

God means us to live a fully-orbed life in Christ Jesus, but there are times when that life is attacked from the outside, and we tumble into a way of introspection which we thought had gone. Self-consciousness is the first thing that will upset the completeness of the life in God, and self-consciousness continually produces wrestling. Self-consciousness is not sin; it may be produced by a nervous temperament or by a sudden dumping down into new circumstances. It is never Gods will that we should be anything less than absolutely complete in Him. Anything that disturbs rest in Him must be cured at once, and it is not cured by being ignored, but by coming to Jesus Christ. If we come to Him and ask Him to produce Christ-consciousness, He will always do it until we learn to abide in Him.

Never allow the dividing up of your life in Christ to remain without facing it. Beware of leakage, of the dividing up of your life by the influence of friends or of circumstances; beware of anything that is going to split up your oneness with Him and make you see yourself separately. Nothing is so important as to keep right spiritually. The great solution is the simple one - "Come unto Me." The depth of our reality, intellectually, morally and spiritually, is tested by these words. In every degree in which we are not real, we will dispute rather than come. ~My Utmost For His Highest

Buhay Kolehiyo

So. College life. I don’t know if I can really classify it as college life yet. Classes don’t officially start till Monday but so far I love it.

Sunday was awkwardly okay. I forced myself to be in that big room away from everyone I knew for a bit. I didn’t get nervous but it was kinda overwhelming there for a while. Awkward when it seems as if everyone is talking amongst themselves and you’re the only one just standing there. What a freshman! Things did get much better though but that night I came home after a forced bowling trip (no seriously, it was mandatory), crawled in bed and said “I hate this, why am I here? By the time this week is over my comfort zone won’t even exist”. I got over that by Monday…most of it at least. Monday was game day. Yes, those crazy games that are amazingly fun to play with people you know. But it turned out fine actually. They made us jump in the pool, do this Caribbean baseball game (which you so need to learn how to play because it’s supper fun), all sorts of stuff. And yes, of course, we have to do a skit at the end of the week…oh joy! Everyone knows how much Lauren loves that. Anyway, we’ve had a lot of group meetings and whatnot but I’m not gonna go into all that. I like it.

It’s amazing. I absolutely love it here. It’s like I just fit. I have nothing more to say for now.

So Today's the Day

Today's the day I leave my home. It's funny when I sit back and think about it. This day is one that I have dreaded, dreamed about, prayed for, cried about, thought would never come and tried to avoid haha! Tell me that's possible? It's going to have to be. All my stuff is empty and the boxes are packed in the car. What's a girl to do? All these "see ya later"'s are getting somewhat depressing and I keep saying that in 4 weeks from now we're all going to look back and say "gah! We are such babies!". This time is exactly what most people have said it would be, bitter sweet. I'm a little nervous about the unknown but I know this is His will. Last night I sat on my floor with all my boxes around me and all of a sudden those words, "what am I doing?" and as I carried things out of my room I'm constantly having this conversation with God, "God, I don't want to do this, no you just don't understand, I love you and I want to obey you, just not now"...pitiful...and yet His grace is more than enough to quiet all the things around me, to quiet my mind, will and emotions and bring peace. I can't wait to see what He's gonna do. Let's go!

This Experience Must Come

Once again it never ceases to amaze me this little book :)

"And he saw him no more."~2 Kings 2:12

It is not wrong to depend upon Elijah as long as God gives him to you, but remember the time will come when he will have to go; when he stands no more to you as your guide and leader, because God does not intend he should. You say - "I cannot go on without Elijah." God says you must.

Alone at your Jordan. v.14. Jordan is the type of separation where there is no fellowship with anyone else, and where no one can take the responsibility for you. You have to put to the test now what you learned when you were with your Elijah. You have been to Jordan over and over again with Elijah, but now you are up against it alone. It is no use saying you cannot go; this experience has come, and you must go. If you want to know whether God is the God you have faith to believe Him to be, then go through your Jordan alone.

Alone at your Jericho. v.15. Jericho is the place where you have seen your Elijah do great things. When you come to your Jericho you have a strong disinclination to take the initiative and trust in God, you want someone else to take it for you. If you remain true to what you learned with Elijah, you will get the sign that God is with you.

Alone at your Bethel. v.23. At your Bethel you will find yourself at your wits' end and at the beginning of God's wisdom. When you get to your wits' end and feel inclined to succumb to panic, don't; stand true to God and He will bring His truth out in a way that will make your life a sacrament. Put into practice what you learned with your Elijah, use his cloak and pray. Determine to trust in God and do not look for Elijah any more. ~My Utmost For His Highests

The Summer Summarized

In one post? I don’t know if I really can summarize this summer and still communicate the affects of it fully. What can I say? It’s been an interesting one, an emotional one, one full of tears and laughter all mixed in a big bowl. It’s been one full of change which has become something I am becoming quite familiar with to say the least. It’s never comfortable but I’m still learning to embrace it rather than run from it. To accept whatever with joy which is normally not my initial reaction 100% of the time but I’m working on it. Change truly has become my best friend…

Change:

noun tense.

1. to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone
2. to transform or convert
3. to substitute another or others for; exchange for something else, usually of the same kind
4. to give and take reciprocally; interchange
5. to remove and replace the covering or coverings of

verb tense.

1. to become different
2. to become altered or modified
3. to become transformed or converted
4. to pass gradually into
5. to make a change or an exchange
6. to transfer between trains or other conveyances
7. to change one's clothes
8. to pass from one phase to another

There you have it. That is my summer summarized. God has stretched me in areas I never knew were possible to stretch, challenged beliefs I didn’t think could be challenged, shown light on dark places I never even knew existed and pushed me into places I never would have thought I was ready to go. My relationships have and will continue to change but oh, have they been tested! Ignorance in relationship is never bliss—it’s dangerous. The importance of truth and transparency in the light of Christ is something that can’t be ignored no matter how uncomfortable it may be. If our relationships with people are because of the blood of Christ then it costs us something. He has asked me the question: what is the ship that keeps your relation afloat? If that ship is not Christ and Him crucified your relation is not going to float. The condition of the waters isn’t even an issue if you have a boat that won’t float, it’s the test of righteous relation with one another in Christ. Relationship is something we have because of Christ but it is something that costs us. Something that doesn’t cost anything isn’t worth anything and won’t do anything. That’s where change enters in again.

This Change has brought so many things to the surface in me. Everything from pride, arrogance, insecurity, fear, ignorance but most importantly self. Self. Now that is most dangerous. He’s taught me that I can never be independent from Him. I look back five to six months ago and all I can say is “wow!” I’m a completely different person, altered, modified and it hasn’t been easy. But when I look back, only briefly to thank Christ for what He has done in me, I must say that all the difficulty, tears, sacrifice, hurt, confusion and everything I had to give up to obey Him in this process of becoming mature in Him- it was all worth it.

I know this is just the beginning of what Christ is doing in Me and I must say I can’t wait to see what’s around the next corner. It’s funny and certain people who know me will see how ironic it is for me to say what I’m about to say. I was thinking about my favorite childhood movie earlier, Pocahontas, I’d watch it over and over, had every book, every little nightgown and coloring book. My favorite part was we she got into the canoe and started down the river. It started off calm but gradually became fast and more exciting, maybe somewhat more dangerous and unpredictable but I just remember watching it and thinking “I wanna do that one day”. I know this sounds so immature but whatever ;) I am only 18 haha. Here’s a quote from the song in that clip:

What I love most about rivers is:
You can't step in the same river twice
The water's always changing, always flowing
But people, I guess, can't live like that
We all must pay a price
To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing
What's around the riverbend

You can step in the same river twice, you can choose to step in and never get back out but that’s not life in Christ. His living water is always changing, always flowing and never becoming stagnant. And we in Christ can and must live like that, it’s just the opposite of Pocahontas’s point of view. We must pay the price to not be safe in our own eyes, to simply trust the Creator of the river of this life in Him. We must pay the price to know Him. It doesn’t matter knowing what’s around the riverbend but the One who does. That’s the joy, that’s the rest but it takes obedience to Him. It takes giving up the reigns of ourselves but truly, that’s when we are the safest.

So there it is. Change. Something that we will all have as long as we live. We can choose to resist it but based on the past couple months of my life, if you want to take the advice of an 18 year old...it’s so much easier to simply cooperate with it, with Him.

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you.” Phil 3:12-16

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7

The Sacrament Of The Saint

"Let them that suffer according to the will of God,commit the keeping of their souls to Him in well-doing."~Peter 4:19

To choose to suffer means that there is something wrong; to choose God's Will even if it means suffering is a very different thing. No healthy saint ever chooses suffering; he chooses God's will, as Jesus did, whether it means suffering or not. No saint dare interfere with the discipline of suffering in another saint.

The saint who satisfies the heart of Jesus will make other saints strong and mature for God. The people who do us good are never those who sympathize with us, they always hinder, because sympathy enervates. No one understands a saint but the saint who is nearest to the Saviour. If we accept the sympathy of a saint, the reflex feeling is - Well, God is dealing hardly with me. That is why Jesus said self-pity was of the devil (see Matt. 16:23). Be merciful to God's reputation. It is easy to blacken God's character because God never answers back, He never vindicates Himself. Beware of the thought that Jesus needed sympathy in His earthly life; He refused sympathy from man because He knew far too wisely that no one on earth understood what He was after. He took sympathy from His Father only, and from the angels in heaven. (Luke 15:10.)

Notice God's unutterable waste of saints, according to the judgment of the world. God plants His saints in the most useless places. We say - God intends me to be here because I am so useful. Jesus never estimated His life along the line of the greatest use. God puts His saints where they will glorify Him, and we are no judges at all of where that is. ~My Utmost For His Highest

Wow...so applicable to my life right now

Yes, That's MY Grandfather

Les Golmon General Manager of KALB-TV NBC/CBS Alexandria, Louisiana announced Monday Aug 2, that he had notified Hoak Media of his pending retirement. The tentative date of his retirement is October 2, 2009.

Les is a 49-year veteran of KALB-TV and has served as General Manager for the last 20 years. He began his career in 1960 as comptroller and moved into the sales department in 1974.

Les was named General Manager of the station in November 1989.






During his tenure as General Manager Les lead the staff through the transition process of four ownership changes.

Under his leadership KALB-TV remains a dominate role in the Alexandria Market and is recognized by NBC as a ratings leader in local news among all NBC Affiliates. There are 216 markets and KALB has consistently ranked in the top 10 based on Rating and Share.

Other notable accomplishments include his guidance over the last 10 years from the termination of the stations analog signal to the transition into HDTV. KALB was the first station in the state to cease broadcasting its analog signal February 16, the vast majority of the states stations made the move June 12.

Golmon also counts the acquisition of the CBS Network as one his more noteworthy accomplishments. KALB-TV now broadcasts both the NBC signal on 5.1 and the CBS signal on 5.2 further solidifying its dominance in the market.

“Leaving KALB does not change the fact that I will always be the number one fan of the station. I have assured ownership that if needed I will be available to assist in the transition to new management.”

His plans for the future include traveling with his wife Judy and spending more time with his four grandchildren.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Papa I'm so excited for you and so very proud to call you MY grandfather. You have no idea how much you encourage and inspire me. Ive watched the way you work my entire life and i must say it is outstanding. You've taught me so many things about dedication, hard work, endurance, and faithfulness without even opening your mouth. That's what its all about. The way you live your life, not the way you talk about it. And that is something that I respect so much about you. For someone who is so knowledgeable, so successful and wise you are so very humble about it. You simply show people who you are which means more than words ever will. I love you so very much Papa and can't wait to see whats going to happen next. Once again I'm so proud to be able to say "Yeah, Les Golmon is MY grandfather". I love you!

Graduation

The Cruise

7 days, Keywest, Nassau and Freeport...thousands of pictures~ here's the highlights ;)

she broke the bed the first night...

She fell asleep...

No sunscreen

Snorkeling!

Biggest room service order ever...

straw market

after the straw market...

wrong side

"brush your hair for me Garrett"

artist Stacee...